Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
