almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
