is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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