he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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