Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
