True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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