So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
