He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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