omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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