i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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