weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
