my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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