Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
