we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
