my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize