If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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