Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
