They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
