I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize