Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
