wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
