I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
