winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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