I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
