So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize