So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
