The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
