Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
