Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
