I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
