I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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