my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
