a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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