Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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