just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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