My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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