Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
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I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
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I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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