Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
