Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
