Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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