even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hippo gnu deer
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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