I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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