I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
