don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
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Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
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The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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