i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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