i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
