went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Are my feet made of real feet?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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