Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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