I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
