Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
