if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
