He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
