she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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