I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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