My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have already put on my inside pants.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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