Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
