He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
