Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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