Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
