Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
