I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
