I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She even gives head with a lisp.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
