sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
