Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
