If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
