I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Fuck appropriateness.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
