Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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