My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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