I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
