I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
