I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
