Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
